Gerber vs. Gremlin

So that fetus of ours is finally starting to look semi-human. This is making me feel goode for a couple of reasons. For starters, it had previously looked eerily similar to something from out of this world or of a different species. Sort of like a Velociraptor or Shia Lebeouf. The second reason for my relief is due to Tracy's baby photos. Have you ever heard the saying "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?" While I'm fairly confident that I was spawned on Earth, I haven't ruled out Tracy coming from Venus. Sure, I think we'll all agree that Tracy is a more attractive adult than me. I know what you're thinking -- "Chad, you're the epitome of perfection." But let's me honest, I get by on my winning personality, champion charisma, and ability to brighten any room. Tracy, on the other hand, can get by on looks alone. However, this wasn't always the case.


As a baby, I was constantly turning down offers to be the next Gerber baby. I realized my potential as an infant but I just didn't like the politics of it. In the meantime, Tracy was turning down the role of the "albino gremlin" in the Gremlins movie. Perhaps she was born as a beautiful Mogwai but, at some point, she ate after midnight. So what I'm really hoping for, is a child to look like me as a baby, then morph into Tracy around age 3 or 4.


This past Friday, we got an up close look at our fetus. It was bouncing around like a logo on a screensaver. At best, it looked very athletic. At worst, it looked like a hockey player. At one point, it turned and looked straight at me. I got chills and wondered if it was angry about the ultrasounds being fired at it or if it was simply sizing me up. Regardless, the heartbeat has slowed to 150ish which now could mean boy. I don't really believe any of the heartbeat nonsense.

On a side note, I have always imagined my baby being delivered by Cliff Huxtable. So, in an effort to make us more comfortable, I have submitted a written request to our doctor asking for him to begin wearing ugly sweaters and maybe even a little bit of blackface. I'll keep you all updated.